Friday, November 21, 2008
Luxury Vs Vulgarity
thinking:chuckled), godrej ( Me:yup they are nuts. they are descendants of calvin klein + gabbana) , Vijay Mallya ( Me: good one!) .. blah blah.they have enuf wealth to last for 3 generations. And importantly they dont show off.."
" what they dont show off? (Me: hey dumbo they dont show off man. its their way of life) "
" Yup they wont show off. its just their way of life (Me: Bulls eye). When they have millions and millions , their standard of living too is at the altar.."
"But.. (Me: whose mine or urs? wily laugh) what abt pakkad mane?"
"He he he ( Me: he is total nuts) ! U mean these neighbours also have a luxurious way of life? please explain..(Me: confused.)"
" but..(Me:again! mine or urs?) pa.. they have a 42 inch TV! washing machine, blah blah (Me: hey idiot shut up man!)"
" U call this luxury? U call a man who sits in indian style on a french toilet , buys the things at discounted sale , has cheap but funky furnitures around Luxurious? No son , its sheer Vulgarity ( Me: wow!, son:Looks at Me,with a smile in his eyes , both acknowledge!) U call him "Vulgar". Thats wat we are. Not jus me and u most of the indians! We only buy 42 inch TV becz we need the news to be spread to whole mohallah that we have one... This started with Nehru..Will tell you the story later on. But now remember for the rest of your life the terms "Luxury" , "Vulgarity" and the Difference between the two..."
" Hey stop lecturing around! (Me: Poor chap, Son: ha ha ha..m relieved wasnt made a scape goat again! better keep my mouth shut next time , Dad: Why does she always interrupt!) time for dinner..)
PS: Me: Interesting but controversial topic! But who cares this is a fact to some extent.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
I don care!
The media has gone "to next level" - tats wat many jounalist say , but i feel the "level" means its appropriate to send them to mental asylum. Watch the "Network" - a 1976 movie that won 4 oscars for some sane advice. Watch it in rite frame of mind and not for just time pass.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Life in Metro (i mean PG !!)
IN (PG)
- ur atm ( i mean dad) doling out never incrementing sum of money evry month end for ur "needs".
- half of it spent on necessary items like booze and fags and occasionaly toothpaste and soaps. why bother to buy one when u can share it wit roomie. u will save half and can buy more fags though!
- u wash ur clothes once a week(i mean a disciplined guy) else its once a month! laundry? nope coz the guy who owns laundry will have tough time breathing in his shop with stacks of stinking clothes! along with sweat, it has a nice blend of spilled beer, whisky, axe effect, park avenue, baygon,national market deo, kr market deo and so on
- don bother to think of inner wear.. it has all the colors of rainbow on it - the morgue is better than our room. atleast they neatly arrange the dead bodies!
- u have a bike.. but no cash to fill it up. how the heck can u if u get 5k per month? (courtesy: my roomies)
- the no of bottles and cig packs is more than ur books and clothes. u neatly arrange the bottles like a "bar". however its empty.
- bedsheets? u sleep on it and do watever u want till they tear apart or u may send it to laundry if ur mom calls up and asks u to do so ( how the heck she knows?). by that time it weighs double and the mechanics clothes looks cleaner than it. its time to buy another. but wy bother again! u have a bed , so u try to tear it apart too!
- the maid (believe me its always maid in pgs meant to be for guys. i dunno the reason) dies of suffocation every time she comes to clean the rooms. the worst part is u will be lectured at even by her. u will be named from pig (in case ur least dirty) to aids patient(extremely dirty)!
- the footwear! no i wont elaborate on it. mine stinks more than hell sometimes.
- the common bathroom? its a zinc sheet shack sumtimes or probably 3*3 room with a record of being flooded by u knw wat for 300 days a year. Maid? he he she never enters it even to commit suicide!
- its a privilege and a curse to have a common tv room! privilege- u can watch sports,ftv and of course religious channels i think its sansar channel! curse - max fights are for the tv with aiyars on one side, iyers on another and we gowdas,nayaks,naiks on another.it gets worse when bengalis,biharis and marwaris are involved. finally the casualty is remote control! so u get frustrated of pressing the buttons of tv every time. the buttons curse while the remote enjoys the show. no doubt the remote is bandaged like egyptian mummy. who the hell buys batteries?
AROUND(PG)
- the tea shop, bakery, bar, hotel, mess rake in moolahs with the bakery earning the highest closely followed by bar or wine shop. bakery owner iseven eager to lend money ..th loans amount to 40k!
- the neighbouring houses always use three layers of curtains for each and every window including the exhaust and ventilator!
- the parents of a cute chick(if any) have high bp , diabetes and al sorts os stress related ailments worrying abt the daughter!
- the nearest dustbin on the street will have a pack of stray dogs furiously ripping off the plastic bags once a month in search of something. though they are disappointed on finding only bottles and milds, kings,small etc.
- the pg has the highest visits from hoysalas! petty steals to complaints from neighbours of guys dancing half naked in balcony at nite.
of course i can add a lot..but now asked to join a new project!! [:P]
Friday, March 28, 2008
TOI Says Sleaze
Khushwanth Singh!! it surely rings a bell..no doubt we all remember him for all the adult stuff(very minimal)he published in Illustrated weekly a weekly issue of Bennet and Colemann papers. It was he who introduced this concept of writing abt english madams or memsahibs as they wer called.at that time it was a taboo to talk abt sex forget publishing!!he was bullied, laid, beaten and insulted by the very ppl who subscribed illustrated weekly!! its hard accepted fact thatthese ppl secretly admired his editorials and he went on to double,triple the no of readers during his reign as editor.then came the politics!!! i m not sure whom he supported during emergency...but ma dilapidated memory(blame this IT industry)says he pledged his support to indira..watever it proved too costly for him..he did lose his job eventually. in short he wasshown the door ...ungraceful exit for a man of his stature!! guys jus get a hold of books publishing his editorials!!! believe meit rocks.And to all the PJ fans he coined th term, it was called PHLAT Joke . Hats off to u Mr Singh!!
So wat i plan to imply?? Therez too much sleaze!! the very concept of publishing these gossips , snaps of actress,fashion etc that we see in todays toiwas actually introduced during his reign..but wer have we reached now!! its high time the present editors take a note of the fact that even kids of 7-8th std have been bored of the toi news. strangely m yet to figure out that ...wat has ours PCs budget thing got to do with the prono stuff?? i was and m still disgusted to see that every page iof general budget coverage had some skimpliy clad cartoons(obviously femme) and news on silicon,bi**** and t*&^%$ !!! wat was the intention of the editor?? is he taking us for a ride?go on publishing the brutal crimes against women that and this ..wen they r the ones who try to use as much adult stuff as possiblefor every type of news!! Come on give us and the news makers a break!!i think a large percentage of readers don evn bother to go thru the stuff lik this actress had fever,he went to market,they visited this street and that..if this goes on ...we may have to read news lik these page3 guys went to loo yesterday!!! may be on front page..
N editorial section?? I have given up reading it..May be Swaminomics on sunday sounds interesting!! but Jug Suraiya? Shobha De? N one more lady with alex jokes at the end ..these never change. same style similar topics!! maybe our african goobe shud be given some space!! he writes well. it surely boosts the sale too :). I wud prefer T J S George, Swapan Dasgupta or sometimes Shekhars too. They surely knw where n when to write what!!
N lastly u can mix sleaze with drinks..never with sports or politics!!!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
TODAY
wherz the cab?? huh..holy shit!! i don even have the numbers of driver or the co-passengers..and surprisingly i don find any other MT minds!! Lets wait for sumtime..the cab may be stuck in sum traffic and wen it rains in bangalore the heaven breaks loose..i wait feeling the virgin rain drops striking me..wonderful!! An idea hits this withering lemon tree and..lifts ma mood.. i put on the song in ma cell..(now i knw y u need a mp3 player in ur cell!!)..
"i walk a lonely road..
the only one that i ever knw..
dunno wher it goes..
its home to me and i walk alone....."
it has a strange feeling on me..th time is 7.55am..need to be in cubicle by 9am..the distance is 6-7km..cant i jus walk?? now i feel proud of maself..the only thing i am aware of is ma strength!!..yeah lets get going..i start walking..i have been treading the same route since 15th oct..roughly sum 3 mnths and i have never noticed so many things!! man this route rocks!! the ppl are still busy doing the usual stuffs..huh!! cant they even stop awhile and acknowledge the rain(if not enjoy it) ..Suddenly the memories of all the treks i had been to in monsoon come alive..NOSTALGIC..nothing else..time is 8.30..m yet to cover half the distance..let the "boss" and his slaves go to hell..i seriously don care.
"Summer has com and passed..
the innocent can never last..
wake me up when september ends..
like ma fathers come to pass..
seven years has gone so fast..
wake me up wen september ends..
here comes the RAIN again..
falling from the skies(or stars??)..
drenched in ma PAIN again...
becoming who we are....."
the GreenDay rocks for sure..thanks maan for pleasure!! walk..walk ..walk..stop..stare..lite up..inhale..smile..smirk..walk..walk..reach the office now..m thinking of tough hectic day ahead..so many backlogs!! need to prepare so many documents(wat for??)..reach ma cubicle..have u ever laughed out loud in workplace?? i laugh lik hell..m the only living creature in this whole goddamn floor..m loving my team now for taking a day off !! ha ha ha..
Anyway work has to be done..start doing it. times 11.30am..wanna take a break..open gtalk to inform the folks for tea..but everyone offline!! now i realised..the "folks" arent here..left to maself..have been wondering will these housekeeping guys ever smile..m amazed to see them shed there pink striped uniform and get into party mood..these guys have lotsa fun in cafeteria!! the guy who pours tea and brings till ma seat is a sport!! smash..smash..serve..gr8 TT player..they have a bet..he wants to beat the guy from coffee day 3-0 game..smile again!! And some bunch out ther discussing abt opp sex..smirk again..Order a cup-noodles..."saar yaw flavour beku??" asks the guy in the shop.."yawdo ond kodi saar..bisi irbeku aste".."saar inta climate alli omelette tagoli..".."beda guru cup-noodles kodi"..Wow!! its steaming hot and i stand in rain and .....wat else?? jus HOG.. the only day i honestly loved ma office is TODAY.
Friday, February 1, 2008
The Chemical Kid !
How many of u wud like to have a lesson in chemistry once u reach home?? "Wat!! R u kidding??" wud be the reply..N i ain kidding moms..I come home after the so called "busy day" only to find ma little cousin staring at the cover page of "Let Us C++". I make a stirring sound to let him knw of ma presence..he continues to stare ..lost in his own world..i stir again..not even the hair on his eyebrow move! "Hi bro, how was the skool?" he gives me a cold stare..Alpacino is dead meat so is his "Godfather" ( all sequels) . I carry on with ma work..(wat work does a couch potato have at home?) ..."Bro, C is symbol for Carbon. Its valency is +2 (he mite have said -2 also..don remember) ..do they represent carbon as C++ now?" Bingo!! now i realise y he was giving me all those "U piece of shit!!" look wen i tried to talk to him..M dumbstruck. Can u answer him?? I jus blabber some crap saying its a language n stuff..he isn convinced!! (nor i am!!)
Ma aunt gets me a bowl of grapes..i starting hogging it. "Bro, u r eating tartaric and malenic acid!!" i vomit!! I ask him from wer did he get these blah-blah acids. I find it difficult to get a coupla sleeping pills these days..the doctor is the Mafia Don and the pharmacist is his circuit (assistant)..Don nods his head i get pills else its short-circuit ..With so much brooding over teenagers shudn get deadly medicines without consent and all..i wonder how the kid got hold of the acids!! "Are u trying to kill me kid?" "U Nutter!! Nut of the Nuts!! grape contains it..huh!!" now now..i feel lik kicking him black n blue. "Bro-Nut, (its ma new name..courtesy ma kiddie bro) wen human body is burnt or decomposes it releases phosporus and he writes an eqn
Humanbody + bacteria--> Phosporus + bacteria..
should i commit suicide?? after reading the eqn i feel like living for some more time!! "listen Bro-Nut..phosporus is fertiliser." Aunt ranks the calling bell till ma brain generates 10Watts power..
this calling bell should have been used by the cops to beat the shit out of criminals.
Wow!! dahi- vada!! its mungaru-male in ma mouth and jog falls in full bloom..i planning to have 5-6 vadas atleast.." MOM!! y do u feed me lactic acid everyday?" " I am ur SON!!" here goes ma bro again..ma aunt is aware of his flare for messing everything with chemistry.."shut up n eat!!" he makes a face(the one lik scarface) and eats..m happy!! I hog lik pig and m back in bed with this C++ book..need to clear the ass-e(a)ss-ment else m broke..companys policy!! He too comes n sits besides me ..he is writing page after page with both the eyebrows kissing each other and the sparks fly apart due to friction..i open a page with full of ungrammatical english,(),//,*/,{}, meaningless words ..and so on. fall sleep very soon dreaming of cuddling jessica alba..
The electric shock!!! and m awake cursing him to hell.."Bro-Nut, H + O2 -> H2O.. but how to get hydrogen peroxide?? " i have to blame ma aunt for letting him knw i scored 99 in chemistry..wat th hell!! tat was sum 7 yrs ago..huh..jessica alba shows her finger and goes away with the next guy waiting in the queue or stack or dequeue..watever!! i rack ma brains to get the formulae for peroxide..H2O2 says the rusted search engine..now how the hell i remember the process to prepare it? huh..i crank the engine..it says FO and mind ur business.."Bro..i will google and letya knw 2mrw da...lemme sleep!" .."King of the Nuts!! its simble!! 2H + 2O2--> H2O2+.."
i commit suicide..